When I was a little girl I used to look forward to going to stake conference with my Grandma and Grandpa Webb. We would attend the morning session of conference at 10:00 o'clock, eat lunch at their house on Yuma Circle, and then go back to the Granite Stake Center for the afternoon session at 2:00 o'clock. I think the reason that we only have one session of conference now, the morning one, is that everyone slept through the afternoon session. The building was hot. Fans were required.
But even with all those fans fluttering, no one could stay awake after eating lunch.

Going to church with grandparents meant candy and airmail messages. They always brought soft, pink, minty lozenges to secretly pass into eagerly waiting hands. This candy eating had to been done carefully, so that we still understood we were at church and not a movie. My parents never ever let us have treats at church, but grandparents live by their own set of rules and that meant we could eat pink candy at church. The second part of the fun involved paper airplanes. Grandpa would write a note on a small piece of paper, usually writing some little thing like, "What do you think we are having for lunch? Do you like the music?" Folding the note, he would place it inside a small paper airplane made from the program, and then pass it down the row to us. Because the note was in a paper airplane he called it "airmail." We would answer back on the same paper, refold it, and place it back in the paper airplane and send it back down the row.

So now we are in the present time. On Memorial weekend I had the opportunity of taking Tehya, Jake, Jack, and Savannah to church. Yes, I thought, we can start our own grandparent church memories. However, I think my new memories are quite different from quiet pink candy and airmail notes. See what you think.

Marci had warned me to leave the house by 2:15 for 2:30 church. Having not paid attention to directions last January, we used Google Earth to see the way to church. I wrote down the streets, but forgot to write down the direction of the turns. We started out happily at 2:10, but my pride in actually leaving early became my downfall. I turned left instead of right on the main road (I can't remember the name) and we found ourselves passing Trailside Park. Oh, no, I knew that was wrong. Flipping a U-turn that I hoped was legal, we finally managed to find the church. However, our problems were just beginning. Marci had put Savannah and Jack's car seats back in the car before she left for Tom's wedding, but the straps were too tight. Poor Jack could only barely breathe and move not at all. By the time we drove into the parking lot, he was asleep, really that was the only thing he could do in his buckled in position. I grabbed Savannah, the diaper bag and the 20 pound church bag, made Jacob and Tehya promise to stay by me and then went around for Jack. He started crying after I woke him up and saying, "Grandma, carry me." Luckily, a nice, female churchgoer happened to park her car nearby, and I begged her to carry Savannah into the church. I carried Jack and the church bag and the diaper bag. On our way to the door I noticed that Jacob had two different shoes on, but at that point what could I do? I was really quite proud of him for solving his problem of finding shoes for church without any help from me.

As we entered the doors I could hear the opening song. Then I made the biggest mistake yet. I told the dear sister (I don't know her name, but I consider her my best friend) that we were fine now and I could take Savannah. I put Jack on the floor and carried Savannah. Now, I might have been fine, but Jack certainly was not. He grabbed my left leg and clung on like at blood-sucking leach and screamed my favorite words, "Carry me Grandma." I spotted a bench near the back and we paraded in. Tehya looking like an angel in white, Jacob in a brown shoe and white shoe, me and Savannah and the arm breaking church bag, and Jack screaming, still attached to my leg.

As soon as we sat down, Jacob and Teyha grabbed the puzzles to play with on the floor. Jack was playing with the felt princesses on a flannel board and Savannah was making cute faces at the couple behind us. I thought briefly about requiring some arm folding, head bowing for the prayer, but everyone was quiet at that point, so I just did the reverent part myself.

We made it through the sacrament okay. Savannah seemed quite content with one piece of bread and a sip of water for her and my dress. We moved on to coloring and stickers during the talks. Savannah ate the cracker snacks like she was starving. I wanted to put a sticky note on her dress saying I really did feed her lunch, but I just watched her amazed. Jacob suddenly announced that he needed to use the bathroom. I asked him if he knew where it was, he said yes and then left. After about a minute I realized I had just sent a four year old by himself to the bathroom. I told Tehya I was leaving, picked up Savannah and tried to sneak past Jack. That didn't work. Jack came with us, he's no fool. Arriving in the foyer, I realized I had no idea where the bathroom was. Another kind sister pointed the way and I prayed all the way down the hall that Jacob would be there. My prayers were answered when we met Jacob by the drinking fountain and all was well, for a nano second anyway. Having a flash of inspiration, I asked Jack if he needed to go to the bathroom, after all we were already near there. He said that he did and so we found the men's room and Jacob and Jack went inside. I could hear Jacob explaining the urinal to Jack and then they came out. I asked Jack if he had used the bathroom and he said no. I sent them back in, but again they returned quickly. I decided to take Jack into the girl's bathroom instead of letting the two little boys have another tour of the men's room. Jacob said, No, no, grandma, boys can't go in there." I asked him to wait at the door, but that didn't happen. Jack insisted on locking the stall door, which took a few minutes. Eventually we made it back to the hall only to find Jacob missing. Savannah, Jack and I marched back to the chapel meeting Jacob on the way. He said, "Grandma, I went to the bench, but you weren't there." Mission accomplished, all heads accounted for, we sat back on our seats.

By now Savannah had eaten all the Special K crackers. I did wonder if they were good for babies, and my answer came soon. Jacob and Jack covered themselves with stickers. Since my expectations were now no hitting or crying in church, I just let them decorate their shirts, bodies, whatever, with stickers. Tehya put a little, tiny sticker on Savannah's finger. Being smart and a problem solver, she figured out that the only way to get the sticker off her finger was to eat it. However, the sticker caught in her throat. All the gagging caused her to throw up and into my hand came the digesting crackers. I do not recommend stickers or Special K crackers for babies. The sweet couple behind us turned a little green. I did apologize, but I don't think we will ever become friends.

Thankfully, by this time it was time for the closing song. Primary, my salvation, followed. Because this story is so long, you will have to read the rest of the adventure tomorrow. Just be warned. My fantasy of church never did come true.

I love you, Teyha, Jacob, Jack and Savannah. I still love going to church with you.

Love,
Grandma